


Where are you?

by TheDeceivingMaiden



Category: To The Moon (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-15 20:53:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13621473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDeceivingMaiden/pseuds/TheDeceivingMaiden
Summary: Neil had his secrets. Eva never pried. That was how things were between them. However, when Neil's secrets were exposed, it ended with him disappearing without a word. No one had a clue on where he was, but that was not stopping Eva from searching for him. She always had her suspicions, and something told her she maybe should have confronted Neil about it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So! Finding Paradise came out. Played it. Revived my feels and one of my ideas on a story on my two favourite Doctors. And since Finding Paradise sort of introduced the “I have regrets but don’t want to change anything” idea, I have another concept.  
> Enjoy!

_Eva stood outside Neil’s office, uncertain if she should be here or not. It had almost been a month since their last mission together, but Eva had not gotten the chance to him since. However, this week had been rough on her partner. As secretive Neil was, Eva couldn’t bring herself to not care about him. She didn’t care about what he had been up to, Eva just wanted to at least let him know that she was still here for him if he needed her._

_Taking a deep breath, she knocked on the door. “Neil, it’s me.”_

_There was no answer, making her frown but knock again. Still nothing, and Eva just remembered the Boss had disabled the digital lock on his door when he warranted a search on Neil’ , Rob’s and Roxanne’s offices. She felt bad, but her worries kept on growing, so Eva opened the door._

_His office was empty. Neil did not come in for work._

_The only thing she took a significant note of was a medical report sitting on Neil’s desk._

~.~.~.~.~

The full force of winter seemed to have arrived early this year as a strong gust of wind blew by. Many of the passer-by were shivering from the cold, commenting on how unusual it was for the temperature to be this low as they rushed off to take shelter – either into a nearby mall, café or just heading home for the day.

Eva, however, refused to do the same. As the street grew quiet, she scanned around the area to see if she could spot the one she was looking for, but no luck. The wind blew by, stronger than the last, forcing Eva to wrap her arms around herself as she shivered with a couple of coughs wracking her body. As much as she hated herself for forgetting her jacket during her haste to get out of the office, she could afford to spend another hour or two searching for her idiotic partner.

Spotting a familiar building nearby, she headed towards it before ducking between the doorway of a café closed for the evening. Eva glanced through its window, not surprised of the new paint job and furniture inside as she recalled her time spent here with Neil. It was a long time ago, during their college years. Eva remembered one-time Neil was doing his last-minute cramming, only realising how screwed he was if he didn’t pass his final exams. Eva secretly enjoyed watching him squirm and beg for help to get through this mess. It was nice to see him suffer.

Where did those time go?

Sighing as she leaned against the glass door, she took out her phone to check the time. It was nearly five now, but the sun was already setting, meaning it was going to colder from here. Shivering some more, she tried to warm herself up as her finger automatically tapped and swiped away to a certain contact number. She was doubtful, her finger twitching to press ‘ **Call** ’ even though she knew it was unlikely for him to pick up. But it had almost been a day. Maybe this time…

“ _Heyo!_ ” Eva groaned at Neil’s overly cheery voice, disappointed it was not him. “ _You have reached Dr. Neil Watts’ voice mail! I cannot answer your call right now, but I will get back to you as soon as I can! Leave a message after the Beep. Beep!_ ” Silence. “ _Psyche!_ ” there was a laugh. “ _Seriously though, I’ll get back to you._ ”

_Beep!_

Eva leaned against the closed door, her head lowered, and her lips pursed together tightly. “Where are you…?” she finally murmured softly, hanging up after. She had left plenty of voice mails already, and she recalled herself yelling in uncharacteristic worry for Neil to answer her calls during her search for him. She was still just as worried, but was also too tired to bring herself to raise her voice. But despite all that, she was too stubborn to give up.

As she scrolled through her call history, gazing at the number of calls she had made, her phone began to ring.

“Neil!?” She picked up at once.

Silence. “ _No, it’s Lisa._ ”

“Oh…” Eva cleared her throat for a moment, hiding an oncoming coughing fit and her disappointment. “Sorry…”

“ _Still no luck, I presume?_ ” The woman on the other end sighed. “ _I’m not going to be like Robert and reprimand your lack of professionalism, however since it’s about your partner…it’s understandable._ ” Eva stayed quiet as Lisa continued. “ _However, it sounds to me you have been reckless during your search. I highly recommend you call it a day, Eva, for your own good._ ”

“N-No!” She quickly straightened up. “I’m perfectly fine! I can handle it, so-” Her throat was too agitated from her yelling, causing her to have another coughing fit. It was stronger than last time, and she couldn’t stop as Lisa sighed.

“ _Eva, dear. I understand you’re anxious on Neil. We all are,_ ” she said softly. “ _However, it is not wise to act with such carelessness when we have no clue on where Neil is. We’ll give as much support we can, however you must calm down and stop for today. That’s all I ask.”_

Eva gritted her teeth, her grip on her phone tightened. “Fine…”

“ _Good, we’ll see you soon._ ” Lisa hung up, and Eva pocketed her phone at once. Normally, Eva would listen to her senior co-worker’s advice and do as told. However, this time she refused to. It was not because she didn’t believe Lisa and everyone at Sigmund Corporation, because they were caring in their own ways. However, with so many things that had happened this one month, Eva knew everyone had their hands tied.

They couldn’t help much, and no one else outside Sigmund Corporation was going to search for Neil. And if that was how things were going to be, Eva was not just going to sit around and do nothing. She was going to find Neil herself.

Looking back up at the café for a second, Eva firmly held onto her resolve to find Neil before she once again set off into the cold. She didn’t care if it was an impossible task, she was set on finding him. And once she did, she was going unload everything she should had said to the idiot long ago.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of a heads up that is about the rest of the doctors shown in the minisodes. Other than Roxie and Robert, my interpretations of the rest of the team as follows (partnering is legit though)  
> \- Willis and Taima are married old couples and worked at Sigmund Corporation for many years  
> \- Eddie is new and is partnered with Lisa, his supervisor  
> \- Lisa is like a salty aunt  
> \- Logan is not partnered with anyone; he sort of act as running errands behind the scene, mostly for Willis and Taima  
> Also dark theme on what sort of requests they get, which involves suicide. Please read with discretion.  
> That’s all the important notes! Enjoy!

_Eva lifted her face up from her computer monitor when she heard a commotion outside her office. It was not unusual for there to be some sort of noise outside since Neil’s office was just across from hers. But this time, he was being a bit too loud. She just hoped her partner wasn’t setting up another stupid prank again since he was still unwell from their last mission, so she got up and headed to the door._

_“Neil, if you’re gonna…what’s going on?” Eva stopped in her track when she saw two security guards crowding around Neil as his door. She noticed Roxanne and Robert were in the same situation, but Eva was only focused on Neil as their eyes met when she stepped out of her office._

_“Neil…?”_

~.~.~.~.~

Logan winced when another tomato hit the umbrella he was using as a shield. Looking back, he carefully watched his steps as he protected Taima and Willis from the angry protestors at the gate of Sigmund Corporation. They were almost there, just a little more and they rushed through the front gate at once.

“You are a life saver, Logan,” Taima sighed, panting after the scare from just then. “I didn’t expect them to be so fierce today!”

“I think their number grew too,” Willis dared a peek through the front door made of glass. He could barely make out the crowd with his old eyes, but with how loud they were, it had to be a large group. “They’ve been at it for nearly a week. Did anyone call the police at all?”

“Before I left, Lisa said she was going to try giving them another call,” Logan put away the umbrella at the corner, planning to use it later. “I hope this time they would actually do something.”

“Can’t really blame them when the youngsters out there are so aggressive,” Willis said as the three of them made their way to the elevator. Watching the lights flickering on one at a time, he hummed. “It would be helpful if they made the elevator connected to the parking lot.”

“It would be more beneficial for you,” Taima nudged the elderly man, earning a teasing grin from him.

“Come now, Taima, I am thinking of you too,” he cooed, laughing aloud when he got his wife to blush at his silly antics. Logan gave them a soft smile before the elevators door opened, allowing them to get in.

Due to the case Willis and Taima were assigned to took them all day to complete, they decided they would take the time to relax in the lobby before heading back to their office. Logan was joining them as he took the trouble to drive to and from the client’s home to pick them up. It was a long drive, and he came for them because he wanted to shield them from the protestors’ rage. Therefore, he earned a break too.

Once they arrived at the lobby, they were surprised to see who else were here. Roxanne and Lisa were on the couch, with Eddie facing them while sitting on one of the spare chairs available. Robert was the only one standing, leaning against the wall close to Roxanne.

“Oh my, this is quite the crowd,” Willis noted they each had a cup of tea in hand. “Taking a little tea break?”

“Hi Willis. And yeah, we are,” Roxanne waved from her seat. Logan excused himself to get Willis and Taima their drinks, while the old couple hobbled over to the group. Roxanne made a move to get off the couch, but Lisa kept her in place as she got up instead. Before the young blonde could object, Roxanne was left with Willis and Taima on the couch, with Lisa taking a spare seat to sit with Eddie.

“Haven’t seen so many of us together since the Christmas Party last year,” Willis mused as Taima looked around a bit. “Something must have happened, right?”

“Well, the two of us came down here to try and avoid the protestors,” Lisa pointed to herself and Eddie. “You know? Since our office have a clear of them? We ran into Roxanne and Robert on the way here, they just finished with the Board meeting.”

“Oh! How did that go?” Taima instantly turned around to face the two in question. Both Robert and Roxanne glanced at each other as Logan came over with a tray of tea, handing one to Taima and her husband. “Thanks, dear,” she smiled before turning back to the two.

Roxanne gave a sigh, putting on her bright smile. “Well…we’re not fired!”

“Oh, that’s good!” Taima smiled at the news.

“Not entirely good,” Robert took a sip of tea, eyes on the other side of the room. “The Board can’t rule what Roxanne and I did as completely unprofessional, since we were not as deeply involved as Neil was with his machine. The records in it showed it all.” There was dead silence in the lobby as he continued. “With no definitive evidence on how much we did, but given we did help Neil with modifying with the memory machine, the Board is going to assign someone to indefinitely watch our actions during our cases. In the meantime, they’re still judging Neil’s actions.”

“What!?” Taima almost spilt her drink. “That is unjust!”

“We were doing unauthorised modifications with Sigmund Corp’s official equipment and trying to develop a way to alter memories in a different, yet mostly dangerous way,” Roxanne pointed out, giving a sheepish laugh. “Even if we didn’t do much to begin with, that fact won’t change. Furthermore, we…” she stopped, eyes casted down for a second as she took a deep breath in, “we let Neil test it on himself, endangering his health.”

Taima paled. “Wait…a-are you saying…” she leaned in closer. “His condition is related to that? Not from his last case with Eva?”

“Wait a minute…” Willis blinked, putting on his glasses properly before scanning the room. “Where is the boy? And Eva for that matter?”

Everyone froze at the mention of the two. Taima was as puzzled as her husband as she looked around the lobby again, more carefully. “Yes, I noticed their absence. Are they coming down here later? Or is Neil still unwell to join us.”

Lisa just sighed, a hand on her shaking head. “Neil and Eva are on AWOL.”

“What!?” Willis and Taima almost spilt their tea at the news. “Why!?”

“Some guesses,” Roxanne lowed her head. “For now, we just know Neil never came into work this morning. Eva found his office empty, and I saw her reading something off Neil’s desk before she just ran off. She must be looking for him.”

“And for the record, I tried calling them both,” Lisa added. “Neil won’t pick up for whatever reason, but I was able to get in contact with Eva. I told her to come back and we will help as much as we can, but,” she clicked her tongue in distaste, “even though she said she’d return, she didn’t sound like she will.”

“Oh dear…” Taima began to fret. “T-Then why are we still sitting here!? We should help her look for him! And call the authorities for a search even! Since right now Neil might be-”

“We can’t,” Robert cut in, furrowing his eyebrows deeply. “During the meeting, the Board forbad as to.”

“Wait, back up a second!” Logan gawked at the man. “You serious, Robert!? Why!?”

“It’s obvious why,” Lisa thumbed at the lobby’s door. “The protestors are out there. If they catch wind of not only the so-called news Neil endangering his and Eva’s client a month ago, but also experimenting on himself which caused him to be in that condition to begin with, it will be the end of Sigmund Corp.” Before Logan could retort to that, she held her hand up to stop him. “That is cruel? Yes, it is. But that’s how big company save face,” Lisa took a sip of her tea, ignoring the leer people threw at her. “You may not like it, but sometimes there are those who are like that to keep their reputation as pristine as possible. Sigmund Corp is having issues already with the protestors already, so they would like to reduce anything else that will make it worse.”

“But…” Eddie began to speak up. “That was never the case, right? Neil didn’t do anything to the patient to begin with. And they don’t know he used his machine on them…and he didn’t use the special functions installed, right?”

There was a sigh. “We know that,” Robert said. “But tell that to those outside. They’re taking whatever the media published and using that as the ammunition to take us down. To them, it seemed like Neil did something that caused brain damage to him, including causing the client’s death. As absurd as it sounds.” He gave a grunt. “And if they find out Neil was actually brain damaged from doing unauthorised experiments on himself with a machine he fiddled with, everyone will just view Sigmund Corp as unethically professional.”

“Jeez!” Logan swung his chair back, almost falling but catching himself as he ran his fingers through his thick black hair in frustration. Everyone watched him, just as annoyed by the situation.

Willis sighed, watching how his tea rippled in his cup. “Well, they can believe what they want, but it is still a sad thing on what happened to Neil…” He glanced at both Roxanne and Robert. “Neil had his reasons to do what he did, am I right? Like you two, because I believe you would have stopped him instead of helping him, Robert.”

He didn’t answer him at first, but Robert took a deep breath in and gave a nod. “I don’t know his motives. And to be frank, Neil’s professionalism is questionable,” he stated. “However, he is the brightest technician that rivals even Roxanne.” His partner flashed a grin at the complement. “After hearing what he was doing, and the progress he had already made, I found his idea on altering memories without the death of the user to be promising. That is why we believed Neil was going to achieve something extraordinary if he completed the program and use his machine for it to happen.” Robert took another sip of his tea. “If it worked well, we might had proposed it to the Board as a new project. Just showing the final results should had been enough to make them consider it.”

Giving him a look, Lisa took a deep breath in. “As nice as that sounds, but changing someone’s memories while they’re alive is a bit too much,” she eyed on Robert carefully. “It may help those who wants to forget their past and create happier memories from there, but that’s still rewriting someone’s life into something else. There will be those who will question it.”

“I can imagine the protestors outside growing larger if we introduced that,” Eddie commented, flinching when everyone stared at him. “S-Sorry!”

“But think of the people we can help!” Roxanne pointed out. “I mean, sure it sounds bad, but what about those who are unhappy about their life already and wanted to die? We do get requests from those people as well, even getting cases where clients purposely tried to end their life just to make us grant their wish.” She pursed her lips together. “We can save more people with Neil’s machine, you know? I think it is a great idea.”

“And there are some who do not believe it so, my dear,” Willis told her gently. “Yes, Neil’s machine sounds promising, however whatever we propose, we will always be faced with criticisms due to the controversies it contains.” He sighed, closing his eyes as he continued. “The idea on altering memories on our client’s deathbed is still considered new, so introducing the change in memories while they’re alive would cause an even bigger uproar.” He opened his eyes again, staring at everyone firmly. “I know we don’t like watching our clients die and have them only experience that one fleeting moment of happiness, but the idea on changing memories is still not as wildly accepted yet, even though we are well known for it.”

Everyone gave a sigh, couldn’t argue with Willis on that. No one wanted to talk after this, as it made them more restless. They all just decided to finish their tea and head back to their office. Eddie and Lisa stayed behind though, as they still didn’t want to see the protestors outside their windows.

As everyone else returned to their office and do their own things, Roxanne followed Robert instead. Once they were in his office, she looked out the window as dusk had settled in. “Hey. Rob?”

“Yeah,” he turned to her on his swivel chair.

She fisted her hands a little. “Will Eva get in trouble too? Since you know, she is supposed to be in the office right now, not hunting down Neil.”

Robert stared at her quietly, thinking over her question before he got up to stand beside her. “Well…we can cover for her for a while,” he said. “We’ll say she’s on sick leave or something.”

Roxanne gave a laugh. “We’ll be in more trouble for lying about this.”

“The official they’re assigning to us haven’t arrived yet,” he put his hand on her shoulder, looking out the window too. “We still have time.”

With that answer, Roxanne nodded, and she took a deep breath in. They were both truly worried about both Eva and Neil. They knew about part of Neil’s secrets, but Eva was left in the dark despite being the one closest to him. Now that it came to this, the only one who could find Neil was her.

_Eva…please find Neil._ Roxanne spotted a star in the dark sky. _That silly guy only listens to you. Most of the time anyway._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Small disclaimer here, I am not a doctor, so I am not 100% how a letter of a medical report should be written, nor do I have any idea how medical conditions on the brain works. So hit or miss. Enjoy.

_Neil had been acting weird while they were traversing through their patient’s memories. He had been spacing out as they gathered memory links and mementos together, and was slow to respond to Eva whenever she asked him something. He was so out of it, he didn’t even once break the bubble with his silly shenanigans in this case._

_But whatever it was, that had to be put on hold. They were given a very short amount of time to grant their client’s wish, as the client’s health was declining at a rapid pace. Time was almost running out as the two doctors barely finished connecting the mementos together in the Overworld, which was starting to break apart around them. Their client could not hold on much longer, but she just had a simple wish. To see a sea of stars once in her lifetime. The client just needed to think she saw it once. That was all that was needed._

_“I’m going to send the signal and initiate it!” Eva shouted over the crumbling world. Neil just nodded, barely avoiding the falling pixelated debris of the Overworld’s sky. The controls to send the signal were fizzing away into tiny pixels in front of Eva, but she just needed to get it started and-_

_“Argh!” Eva snapped her head around to see Neil clutching his head and doubling over in pain. His body started to become enveloped in static, pixels nuzzling in and out of him. Before Eva could do anything, he was gone._

_“Neil!” she called out, reaching out but only to flinch away when her hand almost got hit by a large falling debris. Looking up at the broken world, she debated on what to as she turned to the controls in front of her and the platform Neil was on a second ago. Gritting her teeth, Eva quickly sent the desire signal and watched how her client’s different stages of life glowed – slowly one at a time. She kept on whispering for it to hurry up, almost jumping once it was complete as she finished her job by setting the system to replay her client’s new life before logging off. She planned to check if the patient’s wish was granted or not later. It was dangerous here and her instinct told her Neil was in trouble._

_“Neil!” Eva pulled the helmet off her head once she was back, the sound of the heart monitor rapidly_ beeping _filled the room. The doctor was trying to resuscitate the patient as the patient’s daughter cried out for her mother to hang in there. Whipping her head around, Eva’s eyes went wide when she saw Neil slumped over unnaturally in his chair, in front of the memory traversal machine. His jaws were slacked open, head bowed and unmoving. “Neil!” Eva jumped out of her chair, reaching out to take off his helmet, only for her partner to suddenly grab her hand in an iron grip._

_Amongst all the yelling from the doctor and the patient’s daughter, Eva only had her eyes on Neil as she watched how he was slowly straightening up in his chair, his helmet taken off his head as his eyes locked on hers. All Eva could see was how terrified within the reflection on Neil’s glasses._

~.~.~.~.~

**Why did you never notice what was wrong with me, Eva?**

~.~.~.~.~

Eva’s scream startled her awake at once, with cold sweat dripping from her brow and down her face as she sat up in the driver’s seat. The sun was already out, yet all the female doctor could see was complete whiteness outside the window of her car. Frowning, Eva turned on the engine of her car on, letting it warm up as she flicked the wipers on too.

It was bright out, yet the sky was completely grey, with snow fluttering to the ground on a freezing afternoon near a park Eva camped out in with her car. A shiver reminded Eva how could she was, causing her to wrap the blanket she was snuggling in tighter. It didn’t do much though, as she was still trembling with sniffles, yet she still felt sweaty at the same time.

In all honesty, Eva felt horribly gross right now. She spent the whole day and night yesterday looking for Neil, and she was officially down with a horrible case of the cold. All logic told her she should be at home, enjoying a warm shower before snuggling into her bed to rest. But of course, her stubbornness to find her partner pushed all rational thoughts aside. That, and just waking up from what might had been a fever induced nightmare, Eva couldn’t make herself go home yet.

Shifting in her seat, she the sound of paper getting scrunched up caught her attention. Looking down, she saw the letter of Neil’s medical report had fallen out of her pocket. She forgot she snatched it on her run out of the office yesterday. Picking it up and flattening it out before her, Eva’s eyes instantly reread the dreaded report the doctor made for her partner.

**Dear Dr Neil Watts,**

**We have tried to contact you through the phone number and email you provided, however there was no reply. As this was an urgent matter, we have sent this letter to inform you of the medical examination done on ---day, XXX of XXth, 20XX.**

**Our examination showed there is abnormal brain activity occurring constantly in the cortex, possibly due to the use of the memory alteration machine you had been using for the past years. We have also identified there is a benign tumour growing within that area, which could explain the chronic headache you have been experiencing. Currently, the tumour is pressed against your inner part of your skull, compressing the blood vessels and the nerve cells which prompted your headaches.**

**Thankfully, there is a procedure to remove the tumour successfully. However, our records showed that due to you having used a memory alteration machine, it is recommended that extra precautions should be added in case the tumour grows back. According to the Sigmund Corporations and the machines they use, removal of artificial memories is currently impossible as there was never the necessity for it. However, as you are the first one to have memory alteration while still alive, we are open to experimenting different methods to fix your current issue at hand.**

**We strongly recommend you contact us as soon as possible to discuss these different methods with you, as this is an urgent matter which cannot be delayed further.**

**With regards,**

**Dr ------**

Even though Eva had flattened out the paper, she couldn’t help it but scrunch it back up again and throw it to the back of her seat. She let out a frustrated growl, she once again couldn’t believe what was happening with Neil. In all honesty, she was so furious with him, to the point she was debating on classifying Neil as moron, or a Mega Moron. First, he altered his memories using his modified machine, then getting himself in a critical state with his reckless experimentation using said machine, and now he was caught by the higher ups before completely vanishing as the result to avoid the consquences and results from his actions. She couldn’t believe he was still trying to avoid all that. He had been doing it for years by using the painkillers to hide his pain, and now he ended up passing out once it wore off.

At the thought of that, Eva flinched in her driver’s seat, causing her irritation towards Neil to stop a bit. It wasn’t like Neil hid all this from her completely. After all, she had noticed him possessing them in the past, and she knew well they were prescribed medication. And yet she dismissed it as nothing when Neil just brushed off her worries when she confronted him that one time.

That was how they always were. Ever since they met, she never bothered to try and approach him properly whenever it was obvious he was hiding something which was bothering him. It was even more obvious when he got those stupid super reflective glasses to avoid everyone’s prying eyes. It infuriated Eva when he got them, but she forced herself to ignore it, to the point she was used to him wearing it.

Really, that nightmare she just had was right. She didn’t notice anything wrong with Neil. She did, but she just choose to ignore it without really trying.

And she hated herself for that.

And that self-hating feeling made her angrier than ever.

With that anger forcing her wide awake, Eva started the car completely and drove off. She was still planning to search for that idiot partner of hers. Because she had too much to say to him right now.

~.~.~.~.~

It was too damn cold, even during this time of day. So cold that it was making a certain doctor’s headache worse as he left the motel he was staying at last night. Neil stared at the white landscape laid out before him, giving out a sigh before checking his phone for any new messages. Swiping his fingers nonstop, Neil deleted all the notifications from everyone trying to contact him, trying to not feel guilty when he saw Eva still trying to contact him.

_Stubborn as always,_ Neil hummed before pocketing his phone and head towards his car. Once he was in, he winced when his head started to throb in pain again. He pressed his fingers against the area to try and massage the pain away, but it didn’t work. It was then did Neil officially considered the painkiller he was prescribed to wasn’t helping anymore. Even after taking two doses served with a crappy cup of instant noodles was not working. He really needed a new prescription or something.

Which was an issue, amongst other things. Thinking about the painkillers just reminded Neil how much of a deep @#$% he was in. Currently, he was likely to become jobless, but that all depended on how hard the Board at Sigmund Corporation was going to swing the axe down on him. He was in a critical condition, and needed to do something or, even though it was not written in the letter of his medical report, he was going to get worse. Also, now that everyone knew his damned secret project, Neil Watts was sure everyone shunned him for what he was doing, including Eva.

The thought on Eva made him groan, with the want to just slam his head against the driving wheel. Out of everyone, he did not want her to find out about what he was doing. And not only that, from all those messages and calls Eva made, Neil had a sneaking suspicion she found out what was wrong with his head right now. Another thing Neil didn’t want his partner and close friend to know about.

With so many things spiralling out of control around him, he just didn’t know what to do anymore. Everything was a mess. He was a mess. And the only option he found after reading that accursed letter was to run. He didn’t know where to, but anywhere except where his problems was.

Not the smartest move, but what else was he going to do in that stuffy office anyway? His machine was taken away already. He wasn’t in the mood for playing or making games either. And he was really not in the mood to do actual work. And knowing Eva was right there across from his office, with the ability to strut in anytime she wanted, Neil just couldn’t stay anymore.

With a sigh, he decided to just leave. Not sure where, but at least to a place no one could possibly look for him. And he might as well grab some coffee while he was on the run. Caffeinated beverage always perked his mood up.

So, with that settled, Neil started the car and drove off. He wasn’t familiar with the place he was driving in, but it seemed he had driven into some place far from the city. There was nothing but greenery all around him yet there were a few houses and small shops here and there. Neil couldn’t really recall where he was heading to last night, but that was the whole point to running away anyway.

After making a couple of rounds around a few blocks, Neil finally settled down on a café with a decent number of customers. He parked his car and hopped out, trying to decide on what to order as he waited in line.

“And what would you like, sir?” The staff tending to the cash register asked once it was his turn. Neil wasn’t in any mood to eat yet, so he just decided to order a double shot expresso. “And what’s your name, sir?”

“Um…Neil Watts.” He was also not in the mood to think up a name on the spot. He watched the staff write down his name in haste, accidentally spelling ‘Watts’ as ‘Whats’ in the progress. He didn’t care, so Neil just paid for his hot beverage and sat down on one of the seats available, closing his eyes as he let his head rest. He ignored everyone else coming in and out of the café, just listening for his name to be called out by the barista.

“Neil?”

Well, there it was. Neil opened his eyes and sat up straight, only to stop abruptly when he saw someone he knew staring back at him with wide eyes, her mouth agape as pointed at him in accusation.

With his glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose, Neil frantically pushed it back up as he tried to act like Eva didn’t just found him somehow. Instead she just mistook a stranger like him to be this ‘Neil’ person she was looking for. But before he could even say anything, the barista in charge of his coffee called out his full name, making both doctors stop and glance at where the barista was. When no one seemed to take the double expresso, the barista had to ask the staff at the cash register on who ordered the drink. And Neil was pointed at.

Seriously, he just wanted one coffee. How much did the world hate him for this to happen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. If not too much trouble, reviews/comments on the story is very much appreciated, as it keeps a writer motivated and learn how to get better :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I am too mean with Neil here o~o
> 
> Blame my angst friend, heathazehero, for help me with this part.

 

_While Sofia signed the paperwork for today’s services for her deceased husband, Eva excused herself to go check on how Neil was doing with the machine. He should be done with the pack up already. It never took this long._

_As she was about to go around the corner to where Neil was in the bedroom, she stopped in her tracks when she saw him pocketing a familiar looking bottle of painkillers into his pocket. He didn’t notice her stares as his back was facing her before he continued with the pack up. Mouth opening slightly, Eva couldn’t really bring herself to say anything as she slowly closed it up again. It was not like she caught him in the act of taking those pills, so he wouldn’t admit anything._

_Giving out a sigh, she just called out his name as she went over to him, asking why he was taking so long. If he didn’t want her to know anything, then fine, she would act like she didn’t know about those painkillers. She would forget all about them._

~.~.~.~.~

To say the least, neither of them thought they would run into each other so soon. For Eva, she gave herself another day or so since she was just searching for Neil aimlessly. But for Neil, he didn’t want to be found at all. To be found by Eva on the second day of his disappearance made him want to slam his head against the wall.

Sitting across from each other at the coffee table, the duo didn’t say anything to each other. Eva stared at her cappuccino silently, her hands cradling the warm beverage on the table. Neil, however, was only pretending that he was doing the same. Instead, he was watching her through his one-way mirrored glasses. As much as he didn’t want to face her, Neil couldn’t help but notice how much of a mess Eva looked. Her long, black hair was unkept, and her dark eyes lost the original lustre it originally had whenever she was focused on something. The frown on her lips was worrisome, along with how she was shivering and having a coughing fit here and there. Why wasn’t she wearing a jacket anyway? Did she have any idea how cold it was right now?

“Why did you leave?”

Neil almost jumped out of his seat when Eva suddenly spoke. It was only then did Eva finally looked up at him. And just being stared at made the bespectacled young man want to look away. “Hmm…I wonder,” he tried to sound nonchalant, but Eva was having none of that.

“Stop joking around, Neil. I’m serious!” she snapped before giving out another cough. Neil couldn’t help it but wince as she forced herself to continue. “You just disappeared without warning and refused to answer your phone when everyone tried to contact you!” There was a huff as Eva looked away. “They’re all worried about you, don’t you know that?”

Her words gnawed at his chest, making him feel worse than he already was. “Well, I didn’t ask for you to be worried,” he grumbled without thinking. He only realised what he just said when Eva’s eyes grew wider.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” She leered at him slightly. Neil really wished he didn’t say that, but it was too late to back down. He really didn’t want her here and give him her pity.

“You…You heard me!” Neil leaned back, pushing his glasses back up to hide any signs of hesitation. “I didn’t ask you to find me. I am my own free man! I go wherever I want!” he crossed his arms, his chin cocked up in defiance as he peered at her through his glasses. “Whatever happened doesn’t concern you or anyone. My problem, my business. It’s not like you to prod around on what I’m doing to begin with, so why should you care now? It’s got nothing to do with you!”

Neil may have finished that sentence a bit too loudly, ending with people staring at him. But he didn’t care. He needed to get this out. He kept a close watch on Eva, expecting a response. What he got was her glaring at him angrily, her grip on her coffee tightened as a heavy weight to settle at the bottom of his stomach.

“Is that so?” She seethed out, barely containing her anger. “Yeah, you seem perfectly fine anyway. It was stupid of me to worry about you,” her fingers twitched as she strained a smile. “Why should I worry about you when it’s really none of my business on what’s going on with you? It’s always been like this when you’re trying to hide something. I just go along with the belief that everything was all right with you.”

“E-Eva…” Neil tried to say, regretting what he said already. However, she completely ignored him as she abruptly pushed herself out of her seat.

“Whatever,” Eva spat, gripping the edge of the table tightly in one hand, and her cup of coffee with the other. “Forget about it. I didn’t need to look for you to begin with since you never wanted that. I might as well just head home.” She turned away from him. “Good bye, Neil.”

“No, Eva! Wait!” Neil quickly got up, hitting his knee against the underside of the table, causing his double shot expresso to spill onto his pants in the process. Swearing up a storm and ignoring a staff rushing over to help, Neil just grabbed some napkins to dry himself as he gave chase. “Dammit, Eva! I said wait!”

She didn’t pay him any attention as she marched out of the café and out into the cold. Neil winced as cold wind blew at his face once he was out, causing his headache to grow worse, but he fought against it as he chased after Eva. He could just ignore it for now and deal with it later.

Or so he hoped.

Without warning, his headache pierced through his entire brain before it grew a hundred times more painful than before. It overwhelmed Neil to the point he gasped and double backed in pain. Clutching his head, he tried to breath as the excruciating pain coursed through not only his head, but also throughout his entire being. Everything around him faded to black, with him only standing in completely darkness as he tried to ignore the horrible pain he was experiencing, along with the visions he was starting to see. They were blurred, mixed together to the point he couldn’t tell what they really were, yet he could still hear the words perfectly, as if it was whispered into his ears.

_“You’re horrible, Neil,” Eva rolled her eyes as she walked away to continue with what she was doing._

**“You’re so dependable, Neil!” Eva gave him a fond smile as she said that.**

Shaking his head rapidly, Neil tried to ignore it, but it just kept going.

_“Why are you always like this!?” A woman yelled at him as the man next to her shook his head._

**“We’re so proud of you!” They now cooed as they clapped their hands.**

“Stop it…please…stop…this…” he begged for this to end as he fell onto his knees, shaking from the pain as the visions kept playing around him. They refused to fade, the noises making his head hurt more as he curled up on the ground and cry.

“Neil!” Eva had turned back at the sound of Neil collapsing onto the ground behind her. All frustration for her long-time friend and partner in crime evaporated, replaced with her panicking and running up to him. Crouching onto her knees, Eva tried to make Neil snap out of it as cold sweat started to form on his brow. “Neil! C’mon! Get a hold of yourself!”

No response. All Neil did was whisper something endlessly as he clutched his shaking head, as if trying to dispel the torture he was in. Eva bit her lips as she tried to think of what to do, ultimately deciding to call for an ambulance…

“D-Don’t…” Neil’s hand came up and grabbed for her hand once she got her phone out. Eva turned back to him to see him struggling to focus on her. His glasses were slipping off the bridge of his nose as he looked up at her pleadingly. His hand weakly gripped onto hers as he continued to beg. “I…I don’t want…to go…”

“But Neil…!” Eva tried to argue, but he just shook his head.

“I don’t…want to go…not now…please,” he sounded so helpless as he went on; with each word he tried to force out, he became more breathless. In all her time she had known Neil, Eva had never seen him so vulnerable, and it made her think irrationally on what to do for him.

“Fine…” She put her phone away, reaching out to get him up and onto his feet. It was difficult, as he didn’t seem to have any strength at all. “C’mon, Neil. You have to help me here.”

There was a small nod as he tried to help. All his weight was put on Eva as she struggled to keep Neil standing as they made their way to her car. She felt more like she was dragging him rather than helping him walk, but they were moving, even if it was one step at a time.

Once they reached her car, Eva unlocked the doors and helped Neil get into the passenger seat. As she did, something tumbled out of his pocket and rolled up to her feet. The bottle of painkillers stared back at her, reminding her why he was like this to begin with. Gritting her teeth, she snatched it before closing the passenger door and headed for the driver’s seat. Neil didn’t seem to have notice what he just dropped, as all strength was drained from that single, yet intense, headache inducing fit.

Glancing at him for a second, Eva started the car and drove off. Even though a part of her told her she should take him to the hospital, the other part of her told her to listen to Neil and just take him to her place for now. He’s tired. She was too. They needed a proper place to just rest for a bit before deciding what to do next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bye, Neil.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The more I write this, the more I am hurting Neil than I originally intended.  
> …Which was little to none at first.  
> Also Soup/Mon made the blood sacrifice…I mean…offered their tears as sacrifice for this already written chapter to be posted (I planned to post it when I get at least the next chapter written out done).  
> So the summoning ritual…is complete.

_Neil clutched the painkillers to his chest once he was in the safety of the bathroom. Eva was busy making the final preparation on the piece of roadkill she obtained. She was preoccupied, but Neil just prayed that she would not question these pills again, because that was a very close call._

_Eva must never know what was happening to him. If she did, Neil wouldn’t know how to face her anymore. Images of how Eva becoming disgusted and leaving him filled his mind, making the throbbing pain in his head throb worse before he quickly unscrewed the bottle and popped a couple of painkillers into his mouth._

_He didn’t want her to leave. After his grandfather’s death, Eva was the only one left that made him feel accepted. Sure, she was always annoyed by his silly jokes and antics, but she was the only one who stayed by his side for so long. He just hoped she would stayed with him always, but that was not likely with how he was._

_“Just a bit more…” Neil sighed as he felt the effects of the painkillers take over. Pocketing the painkillers into his lab coat, he pushed his glasses up before exiting the bathroom._

~.~.~.~.~

After finding himself in a daze for what felt like forever, Neil just realised he was completely still on a bed while staring up at the ceiling above him. He didn’t even notice that he just regained conscious, as he felt like he was floating between dream and reality the whole time. Feeling the soft, fluffy blankets covering his body, Neil wondered how he got here. His vague memories felt jumbled up in his already heavy head, making him nauseous from just thinking about it.

“Urgh…” he rolled to his side, blinking as his eyes tried to recognise the rest of his surroundings. Sadly though, his glasses were missing, and he was very sure he was not back in the safety of his room. He did recall leaving the motel though, unless that was all a dream…along with running into Eva.

“Eva…” he croaked out, making him clear his throat as he tried to push himself out of the bed. At once, his head began to hurt again, making him groan and rub where the throbbing pain was. The painkiller must have worn off completely or something…

Hearing the sound of the door opening, Neil glanced over to where it came from. Squinting at the blurred figure standing at the doorway, he blinked. “Eva?”

“Yeah…” he heard her say as she closed the door and walked over to sit on the edge of the bed he was on. Now that she was closer, Neil could see her more clearly as she reached over to the nightstand to fetch his glasses and hand it over to him. Once they were back on his face, he sighed. _Much better…_ “How are you feeling?” Eva tilted her head, her worn out eyes were full of worry.

“Could be worse…” he grimaced as his headache continued. “How did I get here?”

“You don’t remember?” Eva frowned, before coughing again. When Neil just shook his head, she sighed. “Well…A few hours ago…After I left the café…you…” her hand came up to rub her arm a bit, clearly uneasy as she glanced away a bit. “After I left, you were chasing after me. I didn’t see it, but…you just screamed and collapsed on the ground while clutching your head.” Neil’s breath stopped at this. “You were completely out of it…and in so much pain…honestly I…” she took a deep breath in. “I…I wanted to take you to the hospital, but you begged for me not to. So before you passed out, I took you into my car and…”

“Took me to your place instead,” Neil finished as he now recognised where he was. This was the guest room in Eva’s house. Sometimes he would come over to crash for the night, be it for work related or just because of reasons. It was a simple room with a small drawer and a single double- sized bed placed beneath the window, perfect for Eva to welcome her guests for the night. Looking around the place, Neil sort of recalled the scene he made in front of her. “I guess I owe you one.”

She nodded. “Anytime. However…” her eyes fixed onto his. And even though Eva couldn’t truly see his eyes, Neil still felt intimidated with how firm she kept her gaze locked on him. “However, you’re not off the hook just yet, Neil.”

Well, he couldn’t say he didn’t saw this coming. Not saying anything, Neil just stared back at Eva as she sighed again. “Neil… _seriously_...” she tried very hard to not groan. “How…How can you let yourself fall into such a state?” He didn’t answer her, and after a moment of silence, tried again. “Neil…”

“Can you not?” Neil was trying to not sound irritated with how pleading she sounded. When she glared at him, he tried to sound reasonable at least. “Look, I know you mean well, but…” his hands gripped the blankets tightly. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Why!?” Eva got up from her seat in the bed. Neil still wouldn’t look at her as she continued in frustration. “I don’t understand why you think you being like this is okay!” he didn’t answer that. “I mean…look at you!” she waved her hand wildly at him. “This is the second time you scared the living daylights out of me! All because you did all this to yourself! What is the point when you’re like… _this_!?”

“It’s not like I want to be like this, okay!?” he finally snapped at her, wincing at the headache but continued anyway. “It sucks having a damn headache 24/7!”

“Then why did you do this to yourself!?” Eva asked again, glaring as she fisted her hands tightly. Neil pressed his lips together but looked away.

“I…” Neil couldn’t bring himself to say anything, feeling his mouth dried up at once. Screwing his eyes shut, he sighed. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Oh for pineapple’s…!” Eva threw up her hands into the air as she turned on the spot to let out some swears. Neil just watched her, not moving as his hands gripped the blankets before deciding he should leave. Before he could though, Eva turned back to him. “Don’t even dare think about leaving.”

“Like you can stop me,” he grumbled, only to stop when a sharp pain shot through his head again. He clutched his head slightly, trying to wait out the pain but Eva was already marching up to him and pushing him back into bed.

“You’re not leaving,” Eva said firmly, her eyes firm as she tucked him in. “Even if you leave, where are you planning to go? You won’t make it far after that scene you made.”

“Shut it,” he glared at her from under the glasses before she took them off him too.

“You should be lucky to be here when you refused to go to the hospital,” she added as she placed the glasses back on the nightstand. Neil continued to glare at her, but she was fazed as she turned back to him to see if he dared to make a move. “I’m serious, Neil. I am not having you wonder around while you’re like this. So it’s either staying here, or I’ll take you to the hospital myself.”

He continued to glare at her, grumbling under his breath. “That’s a $#!^ty threat.”

“It’s not a threat. I am trying to help you,” she sat back down on the bed, further away from him. “Hate me all you want but again, I’m trying to help you…while being considerate on what you want.”

He scoffed at that, only to wince when it made his headache worse. “If you really want to help me,” he tried to say, ignoring the pain, “then just hand me some painkillers.” He saw Eva flinched when he mentioned it. “My head hurts like hell, Eva. So help me out here.”

He waited patiently as he stared up at her. Eva glanced away a bit, biting her lips before giving out a fake sounding cough and shaking her head. “No.”

His brow twitched. “What?”

“I’m not giving them to you,” she said firmly. “You and I both know they never helped you to begin with, so I’m not letting you take them anymore as long as you stay here.”

Without warning, Neil shot out of the bed, a sudden surge of anger fuelled him as he made the move to grab for Eva. His movement was slow though, and Eva quickly got off the bed and kept her distance from him.

“So you’re going to just let me lie here and suffer! Is that what you want from me!” he screamed at her, his eyes glaring at her from under his glasses. Eva didn’t say anything at first, but continued to stand her ground.

“If I gave them to you, then what!?” she snapped back. “I’m not letting you take those pills when you’re obviously addicted to them!”

“I’m not #^*$ing addicted!”

“You’ve been using them for who knows how long…at least since Johnny’s case,” she crossed her arms. “I know you’re in pain, but if I give the pills to you, you will just make yourself worse. So please…if you’re not going to the hospital, don’t take them.”

“Ha…” Neil scoffed. It had none of his usual sass in it. “You call _that_ being what’s good for me? What a joke,” he spat. “You see your dear partner suffering, and you refuse to help. Blackmailing me as well I lie here in agony,” he let himself fall back onto bed with a defeated laugh. “Well. Whatever then. I expected this. You never cared about me anyway. You even tried to walk out on me earlier. So it’s a given.” He glanced at her to see her still standing. “Well? If you’re not going to do anything else, get out of here. I don’t want to see your ugly face here.”

Eva let out a sigh, her eyes closed as she nodded. “Alright then,” she headed towards the door. “If you need me though, I will just be outside. I’ll keep in to check on you in a bit, alright?”

“Not alright. Get lost.”

With that, Eva closed the door behind him. She took a deep breath in before she sank down against the door to let the tears fall. She knew it was just the withdrawals was what made Neil said those things. But it didn’t change the fact that it did hurt her. It was painful enough to let him stay here and wither in pain instead of getting proper help, but needing to see and hear Neil say all this.

Eva buried her face against her knees, trying to not to cry as she forced herself to calm down. This was only the beginning. And the worst had yet to come.


End file.
